Humor

Why is death taken so lightly? It's terrible how people use it! (This is NOT a joke!)

Who wants to laugh about life with me?

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?

Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:

1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."

I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores."

Hitler: "Mine less, then."

Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER!"

Hitler looks over: "Yes?"

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?

Both have eight legs.

Gwen?!?!??!/1??!?!??!

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)

I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.

What does the ocean do to its friends?

It waves.

(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.