Humor
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
What do you call an Indian going through the bins?
RUM-MAJINGG
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?
They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
Why are nuts on boys?
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!