Humor
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal and Sealia.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Stop doing these orphan jokes, please, Rob.
You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!
Why was the people's wedding so miserable...
'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
Why was sis afraid of seven?
Cuz 7 ate 9.
What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?
"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."
Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?
A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄
"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"