Humor
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!
Yo mama so ugly!
The mime broke his 30 year streak of silence!!!!
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
Why did the boy get a koala? He had the koalafications.
What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?
An H2hoe.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
What's the hardest thing to do?
Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
Your forehead is so huge, you don't have dreams, you have movies. Follow me on Instagram: _zer0x3.
What do you call an Indian going through the bins?
RUM-MAJINGG
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.