Humor

Humor

Add joke

There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.

So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"

What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

  • 5

    • Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

    Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!

    Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!

    Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?

    An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"

    The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"

    what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

    I don't bowl.

    I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

    I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.