Humor
Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."
What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?
A water gun.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.
Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!
Why can’t an orphan make a joke?
Dad jokes.
These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.
And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?
The tree leaves them hanging.
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
The joke above me sucks.
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.