How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
Humor
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Oliver.
Oliver who?
Oliver jokes don’t exist! 👹
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
Villager: KNOCK KNOCK
Steve: Who's there?
Villager: I'm not talking anymore.
Steve: I'm not talking anymore who?
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Johnny, make a joke. The joke is you because Little Johnny has a sense of humor because you're an idiot.
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
Why do the orphans keep going back to the orphan home?
Because they got no home to go to, yeah, please like this and laugh because I got no one to read this.
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
What do you call having a 69 with a guy in a wheelchair?
MEALS ON WHEELS :-)
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
What's autism! My name is Dee Snutz!
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
What's the worst joke you ever heard?
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"
His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."
A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
