I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[
Humor
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
I don't know what to write here, just like...
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
How do you surprise a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Have you ever seen the Pokemon called Ryh... Rhydon these nuts?
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
