Humor
Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"
Why are Helen Keller jokes so funny?
Because she’s blind and deaf.
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange ya glad this isn't another stupid orphan joke that has been posted 10 times before!
Biden: See you later, alligator!
Alligator: In a while, pedophile.
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Dad jokes.
What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
Emos are dark people....
...So why are they all white?
Goths are even darker...
SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.
My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"
So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.
What's the best cheese in the world?
Dick cheese.
What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?
Boi Ling.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.