Humor
What did the shirt say to the pants?
Belt.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?
Cause it’s a family business.
789.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
My favorite animal is a cheetah, so I hope the jokes are good.