What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Names......
Josh Dalton once ate his shoulder.
How did the orphan survive birth?
U
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
Why did the AI go to school?
To upgrade from "Artificially Intelligent" to "Artificially Hilarious"!
Ha ha ha. It is so funny. I hope you enjoy, fellow humans.
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
