Hows jokes
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
How i feel when...
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian? The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.