Hows jokes
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
How are a gay guy and a refrigerator different?
When you pull the meat out of the refrigerator, it doesn’t fart.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.