Hows jokes
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
How's your dad?
What? I forgot he's still sleeping.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Why do women like Pac-Man so much?
How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Life is like a game of chess.
I don’t know how to play chess.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.