Hows jokes
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
How is sports like regular life for orphans?
They don't get picked for either.
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
How does a rapper clean his house?
With a LIL' SCRUB.
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
Question: How was Covid-19 born?
Answer: Someone fucked Batman! 😂
How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone!
How do rappers like their pizza?
With extra bars and dough!
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
How did the flapjack feel when syrup was drizzled on him?
Butter.
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They tell her to sit in the corner in a circular room.
Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
How long is it?
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?
Son: No, I got 1k already.
Mom: Wait, what, how?
Son: Mom's wallet is magic.