How do you start a school shooting at a black school? Call the cops
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
My ex boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket check out for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them “because I’m such a noose-ance.”
me: "comment if you love yourself and give me a reason" friends: comments give reason me: "notice how i commented nothing day later mom: let me see your tik tok me: shows her the video mom: calls suicide JK she just beat me for posting a video on her
You know I like my girls how I like my 9/11. Two twins that go down easy
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German.
[being buried alive]
murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
how do you get more presents from santa? you tickle his sack
Why do the depressed people go to camp to learn how to tie knots tighter
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!
How did the necrophiliac get caught? Some rotten cunt split on him....
How did stephen hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Why was baptism invented. How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
How do you make a emo jump
A cliff
Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it
