Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care centre, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I hate this-Everybody knows its how I roll if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll-My Uncle said this.....
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters
How do you get 500 dead baby’s into a car? A blender
How do you get 500 dead baby’s out of a car? A straw
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids.
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it
How do you create the worlds quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gaschamber.
how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No.1 pencils? 🤔
My entire family “TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!” Me “OH NO” 💀
