Hows jokes
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
How are orphans and apples different?
One gets picked.
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
How many times do I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
How do emos fly? They hang themselves.
How are the faster readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
"Know, know how there."
"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
How did Mace Windu die?
He fell out the windoo.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
How do you know someone is autistic?
They get stuck in a loop very often.