Hows jokes
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.