How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How did stephen hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
How many babys does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles, His teacher asked "Three birds where sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said "No, but I like the way you think!" Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said "Little Johnny!" He replied "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it
Why was baptism invented. How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My son asked me how i'm so clean,"inside out.". I told him because of bleach. the next day I found him drinking the bleach.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby? When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
Kid: Mum how do you know someone is drunk? Mum: See the four birds over there Kid: huh, wait a minute. Mum: A drunk person would see eight. Kid: Mum but there is only two.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog
How many People do you need to change a Lightbulb? Three.The first holds the ladder,the second one holds the Lightbulb and the third one spins the Ladder.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies? Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone How did she differentiate them? She called them by their last names
