Hows jokes
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?