Hows jokes
How are you?
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
How is the weather down there?
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?
There were an awful lot of red flags!
Don’t think, just do, live in the now, don’t care about the future, yeeeeee
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
How did you get that? Used your life savings?
How was your day, Freshfry?
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
How did Caillou quit his party?
He had to cancel it.
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*