Hows jokes

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.

How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?

You move the chairs.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?

Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

Just saying this, but I hate how many little kids there are on this site, and when they post, they have the worst posts about "sex", so I'm just saying how they act immature.

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.

A man and a boy went into a forest. The boy said he was scared. The man said, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

How do pirates like their movies?

You already know the answer, don't you?

Well...

ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...

How to Make an Orphan cry

Step 1: Talk about Home.

Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.

Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!

Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.

How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

How do you call an American bee?

USB.