How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
Hows Jokes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His computer got a virus.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
How to give a good hand job?
Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.
None of you ever touch my penis.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
How do NASA plan parades?
They plan-et.
How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
