Hows jokes
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
I like my women how I like my wine. 14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men. 25 at a time.
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
"How do celebrities stay cool?"
"They have many fans!"
How did pioneers name Canada?
They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"
That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
How did Voldemort lose his nose?
From uncontrolled Gold Mining!
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You-neak up on it.
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He read the weather forecast.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.