Hows

Hows jokes

Man

    • The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."

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    • War

    • A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

    "What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

    Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

    "Oh, right. How's it going?"

    "Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

    "Wow! What about NATO?"

    "They haven't turned up yet."

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    • Hows memes

    Phone Call

    • Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

    answer the phone with this:

    "Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

    or

    "Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

    Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

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    • Stephen Hawking

    • When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

    Shepherd

    • Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay?

    A: He's the one the sheep fuck!

    (I'm gay, and I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate, but I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)

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    • Loan

    • A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

    Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

    The frog says $30,000.

    The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

    Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

    The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

    Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

    She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

    The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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    • Elephant

    • God: (creating elephants) Make it big.

    Angel: How big?

    God: As big as my d--

    Angel: Whoa!

    God: Fine, 10 feet tall.

    Angel: That's big bu--

    God: Put a long thing on its face.

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    • Date

    • When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

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    • Shampoo

    • I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

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