Hows jokes
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
How to stop bullying?
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
I love teaching students
how to make them harm themselves.
Memes
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
How did 10 die?
Because it was in between 9 and 11.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!