Hows jokes
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
Memes
Work
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
What's the time?
How would I know?
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
How do you see past that forehead?
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.
Yo mama so dumb, she asked how much a free sample was.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.