Hows jokes
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?
She was ape-ril!
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
Memes
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
How do you talk to giants? Using big words.
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?