Hows jokes
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
Hollow Knight Meme
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone!
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
Why was the rapper always calm during a storm?
Because he knew how to RIDE THE FLOW.