Hows jokes
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
Memes
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
No matter how much I cry, the white people still left me hanging.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.
How do you end an argument with an emo? Kick the chair.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.