Hows jokes
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
How do you spot a cow?
With a bingo dabber.
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."