It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
