How Many

How Many jokes

Suicide

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

Lightbulb

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

Date

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Jap

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

  • 0
  • Baby

    How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson

  • 0
  • Orphan

    How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

  • 2
  • Feminist

    How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

  • 8
  • Teacher

    Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

    Blonde

    How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

    Two, one for her and one for the baby.

    Hooker

    How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    One, cause they'll screw anything.

    Hitler

    When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

    "One, he killed himself."

  • 3
  • Children

    Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

    Michael Jackson

    How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?

    Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.

    Child

    How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

    Apparently not enough to impress him.

  • 2
  • Pocket

    I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

  • 1
  • Knife

    When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

    Finger

    People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

    Feminist

    How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

    Gay Guy

    How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.