How Many jokes

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

Two, one for her and one for the baby.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, cause they'll screw anything.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?

Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.