How Many jokes
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... "How many fingers am I holding up?"
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.