How Many jokes
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When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
How many Indians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and wait for the British to come and do it.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
How many cops does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, they’ll just beat the Black out of the room.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, feminists don't change anything.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
None, he fell.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
How many East Asians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tu.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!