I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
