How Many

How Many jokes

Jew

    • How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

  • 4
    • How Many memes

    Trump

    • Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.

    And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.

  • 0

    • Cop

    • Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂

  • 2

    • Pineapple

    • One time, there was a happy little girl. One day, her teacher asked how many legs and arms a pineapple have. She said,

    "You know those pokey things on it? That's how many."

    Teacher says, "That's dumb. They have zero." Then the next day, the girl set a fire in her house, and she burned her legs and arms. Then she survived and went to school. Then the teacher said, "I heard your house went on fire, and by the way, you know you don't have no arms or legs, right?" The girl said, "OK." Then the teacher asked the question the teacher asked yesterday again. She said, "What do you call a girl with no legs or arms?" The teacher said, "Answer my question!" The girl said, "OK, OK, the girl said 13." The teacher said, "Pineapples do not even have legs!"

    Then the teacher had to calm down. Then the teacher said to the girl, "Ask a question. Whatever you want." Then the girl said, "Ok, and I'm sorry, teacher." Teacher said, "It's ok, I need a break." The girl said, "What do you call a girl without legs or arms?" Someone from the class, her name was Nia, she said, "A worm." She said, "NO!!!" The teacher said, "Calm down. Just tell us what!" The girl said, "OK then." The girl said it.......

    And y'all who is reading my story, guess what the answer is before I tell you and by the way the girl's name is Sunny. Back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE! Then when the teacher was calm, she told her to sit down. Then the teacher read a story, "The Three Little Pigs." Then the girl went home, she got a new house, then lived happily ever after.

  • 3

    • Teacher

    • Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

    Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

    Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

    5 minutes later

    Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

    Teacher, the one sucking it?

    Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

  • 0

    • Car

    • How many people can you fit in a car?

    6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

  • 1

    • Baby

    • How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.

    Knife

    • When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

    Ring

    • How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

    She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

    Clock

    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where’s Trump’s clock?"

    "Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

  • 0