How Many jokes
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
How many degreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees does Billy Corgan have?
1979.
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun.
So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"
So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"
How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
None, he fell.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... "How many fingers am I holding up?"
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.