what do you do when you get locked outside your house...... you talk to the lock. because communication is key.
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath.....when all of a sudden.....I felt a tap on my shoulder.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!!!!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now 😐
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
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Whats the similarities between spiderman and a homeless person
They both have no way home!
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said “did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied “do you mean Nein millimeter?”
Have you walked into Stephen hawkings house?
Oh neither did he
1 like= 1 more child in my basement
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen. "Are those brownies, I smell?", he asks. "Indeed, they are.", he was told. "Gee", he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts."
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant
Why can’t orphans say I’m in the ghetto? Because they can’t say I’m in a home
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
