House jokes

Me: "Hey, are your parents home?"

Orphan: "Stop calling here!"

Me in the corner.

What show do orphans hate the most?

Fullerb

A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

Why can orphans not play bingo?

Because they can't get a full house.

A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"

Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I'm so poor that when people come over to my house, I come out the window and say, "Ding Dong!"

If the moon landing was fake, so is your house.

What is the difference between the snow boots on a tree house that has to walk home and walk home?

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.

But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f

... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!