House

House jokes

Saxophone

    • I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

    Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

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    • House memes

    Arson

    • A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

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    • Rhino

    • Here's some of my weird jokes:

    What are rhinos? They're unicorns that let themselves go.

    Joke # 2: Why do triangles try every angle of its house? Because it's in its name.

    Joke # 3: Wanna hear a cheesy joke? Sorry, the mouse got to the cheese first.

    Doctor

    • A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

    Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

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    • Home

    • I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.

    Depression

    • Me: Hey, how are you?

    Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

    Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

    Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

    Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

    Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

    Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

    Me: Ok, and their names?

    Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

    Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

    Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

    Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

    Me now hates my life. :)

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    • Man

    • What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?

    They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.

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    • Halloween

    • A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

    The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

    The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

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    • Friend

    • One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

    I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

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