House Jokes

What do you call a cute door?

Adoorable

a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"

what do you do when you get locked outside your house...... you talk to the lock. because communication is key.

I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath.....when all of a sudden.....I felt a tap on my shoulder.

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!!!!

So a kid walks in the house and says: " mommy, mommy, I found daddy". And the mother says: " stop digging around in the garden, and let you Father rest in peace.

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now 😐

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back

I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said “did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied “do you mean Nein millimeter?”

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

Whats the similarities between spiderman and a homeless person

They both have no way home!

Have you walked into Stephen hawkings house?

Oh neither did he

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.