House

House jokes

Door

You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

Name

What is your name in my phone?

I love your house. I have been in your art for.

Drink

Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?

Because they heard the drinks were on the house!

Girlfriend

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Memes

Son

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

Mom

He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.

Mom

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

Explorer

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

  • 4
  • Motorcycle

    So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

    During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

    Chicken

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

    Pedophile

    Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.

    Orphan

    Peter: *curses*

    Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?

    Peter: Jokes on you, I don't have a mom.

    Tony: *having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter, we talked about this!!!

    Orphan

    Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

    Student one orphan: I don't have any.

    Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

    Student one orphan: What!

    Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.

    Rabbit

    Where can a male and female rabbit make love at? The rabbit house or the rabbit hole?

    Difference

    What is the difference between the snow boots on a tree house that has to walk home and walk home?