House jokes
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To buy a house.
People have houses, but I don't have a house because I don't have parents, said the orphan.
One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"
Question: What does baseball have that orphans don't?
Answer: A home.
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.