House jokes
In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.
Who robs and breaks into people's houses?
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
Man 1: Knock knock.
Man 2: Who's there?
Man 1: Ice.
Man 2: Ice who?
Man 1: I crushed your head.
Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
What shows do orphans dream of?
Full House or Fuller House.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
What is your name in my phone?
I love your house. I have been in your art for.
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.