House Jokes

if your a cat person never let hungry chinese into your house they might just have a snack

Why did the cops come over .

Because parents had kids in there basement.

why did the chickin crosse the road? to get to the gay guys house nock nock whos ther chickin

teacher: students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house. student one orphan: I don't have any. student 2: what is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner. student one orphan: what! student 2: the prisoner gets picked.

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow do you kiss your mom with that mouth? Peter: Jokes on you I don't have a mom. Tony: * having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter we talked about this!!!

Where can a male and female rabbit make love at? The rabbit house or the rabbit hole?

What was the epileptic chef’s house special? Seizure salad.

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your Father."!!!

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

Guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud this is the pig I screw when your on the rag and is wife replies that's not a pig its a sheep and he says I was talking to the sheep.

what does the sign say on the hooker house say afterwards they were on lockdown? A. We're on lockdown get lost pervert.

The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had a diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?🤷‍♂️💩

I left my dog at home once and when I came home it was a mess, lets say I was in a RUFF situation

What is the difference between a climate change and the green house effect once a philosopher twice a sodomite

What is a home 🏡 that can fly? A magic house 🏠

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke-up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey".

Knock knock, who's there? stranger, stranger who? stranger why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?

African Kid - "Mom can we have water?" Mum - "Sure it's in the house." African Kid - *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water* The fridge - ERROR 404 Water Not Found

I found alien in my backyard I put him to work. He went to farm never seen him again moments later he is on daily planet acting as reporter a green rock smashed my house. I called him back he passed out.

I remarked you lazy