House jokes

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.

He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.

Roses are red, my toaster too,

Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?

What did the bulldozer say to the house?

"I wanna bulldoze houses!"

I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Why do orphans look at a house for so long?

'Cause they never had one.

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

No? Neither did he.

How does a rapper clean their house?

With a BEAT BRUSH!

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is.

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I love the chicken house that is a great place for a walk home, and walk home from a home, and walk home night, and walk home, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school, and walk home from school.

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.