House Jokes

You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock knock?

Who's there?

The chicken!

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

A meme with the text "Mom's POV. When you realize everyone in the house has been inside you." Below, there's a boy with a smug expression.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

Yo mama so fat, she can’t even fit in the living room!

Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.