Holiday jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
Where does a pencil go to vacation? Pennsylvania.
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
You look pretty today... April Fools!
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.