Holiday jokes
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Boo! 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (So scary, right?)
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Tum tum tum tum tum Sahur
What do you read on Halloween?
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.