Holiday jokes
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?
He has no legs...
halloween be like
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.