Holiday jokes
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?
Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.
Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?
Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.
Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
Memes
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
What do you call a snowman that lives in Halloween? Snoween!
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!