Holiday jokes
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.