Holiday jokes
Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?
Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.
Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?
Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.
Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do you call a snowman that lives in Halloween? Snoween!
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.