Holiday jokes
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Memes
This Jake
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do you call a snowman that lives in Halloween? Snoween!
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.