Holiday jokes
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
Merry eve of Christmas
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet... What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.