how did santa fit down the chimney he buterrd it
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
why did Sarah fall off the swing.... she had no arms.....what did aaah get for Christmas ?? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet... knock knock... *whos there*.............NOT SARAH
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
Telling jokes is snow problem.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
The married are on holiday on Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing She: - Shut up
(Standing means: penis erextion)
what do orphans call a holiday
a bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket
Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?
Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,
Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week
For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me
I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days
Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling
Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island
Don't miss my 9 to 5
Living like a local on this island time
I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow
I'll miss my sandy toes
I've got to go back before you know this island is my home
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Wash it away
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta
Wash it away
Wash it away
