Holiday jokes

Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?

What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.

"Jingle bells, Osama smells."

Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?

Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.

What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.

Where do pencils go on holiday?

Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.

So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"

Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?

In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂

What did Sally get for Christmas? Ligma?

Why do orphans have 363 days on the calendar? Because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day!

Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?

Santa Claus!

Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?

He had no legs.

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:

12 tap ins

11 pointless dribbles

10 fixed league titles

9 missed penalties

8-2

6 dives

500 million robbed from Barca

4 UCL semi losses

3 times he blamed Higuain

2 retirements

And a transfer to a farmers league.

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?

'Cause they're the ones making the toys.