Holiday jokes
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Why was Santa Santa?
Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
Which month is the bus? December.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!
What do orphans get on Xmas?
Lonely.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.