Holiday jokes
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.