An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
