Holiday jokes
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
What is Labor Day? That’s when mommies have their babes.
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
Now, THAT'S Gotta Hurt...
Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
What do orphans get on Xmas?
Lonely.
Christmas special
Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
Boo! 👻🎃💀🕷️🕸️☠️ (So scary, right?)
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.