Holiday jokes
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.