Holiday jokes
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!