Holiday jokes

Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?

He has no legs...

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

What is a pedophile's favorite job?

The mall santa.

Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?

A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.

Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?

Because they make the toys.

Have a great year!

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!

What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!

What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

What car do elves drive?

Toy-yodas.

HAHAHAH! You all got April fooled in the wrong month!

What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?

He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.

What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang...

Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.

Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?

Santa Claus!

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"

Happy new year! 🥳

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.