Holiday jokes
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Memes
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"