Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
Holiday Jokes
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
