I like Christmas.
Itโs the holiday where an old man breaks into peopleโs homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay ๐
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
A kid is trick-or-treating. He knocks on a door. Then someone opens the door and the kid said, "HI, I'M THE WICKED WIENER!"
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas I don't know he still hasn't opened it yet
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
