Holiday jokes

Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.

I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

I like Christmas.

It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.

Which month is the bus? December.

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.

How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.

What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?

They are both going to be hanging from a tree.

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.