Holiday jokes
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"