Holiday jokes
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
What did Sally get for Christmas? Ligma?
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.