A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?
Cinco De Mayo.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
