Holiday jokes
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
What did Sally get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.