When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. 🌲 I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
Happy new year! 🥳
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
Which month is the bus? December.
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
