Holiday jokes
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
What would an orphan ask for Christmas?
"A someone."
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!