What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The prostitute says that’s the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuck.

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer…

Then it hit me…

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people? I’D HIT THAT

tell a dark joke to an orphan then hit them

they’ll get the punchline right away

If you ever get Mad, just hit an orphan

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

i never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me

why did hitler get hit by a car? because he did na-zi that coming

Why did sally fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a bus.

Q: why did Sally drop her ice cream? A: she go hit by a bus.

If I called you gay you would probably hit me with your purse

People are like trees… They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

I’m taking a taking a guitar lesson at school, my band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar, i Asked him if that was a fret

Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo. KId: Why? Dad: I clean up animal s hit at a zoo.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Because she had no arms”

“Why could she get up off the ground?” “Because she had no friends”

“Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Not Susie, she’s still on the ground”

“Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?” “Everywhere” “Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?” “Because it was in a different body bag”

“Why did Susie drop her ice cream?” “She was hit by a bus”

“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Someone threw a refrigerator at her”

In America planes hit the twin towers. In Soviet Russia Twin Towers hit planes.

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

A man was hitting a woman with his dck. Someone ran up to the man and said “THATS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” the man replied with “no, it’s not domestic violence it’s DUMBASS-DCK VIOLENCE”

I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.

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