Hit jokes

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Hit your wife harder.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.

Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?

Adolf Hit Her.

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.