Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
