My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
I read a quote about the Twin Towers that hit me like a plane.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
I hit on the Twin Towers. They were hot.
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?
You were hit by a shockwave!
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
