Hit jokes

Why did Gemma fall off her bike?

She got hit by a fridge.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”

Friend: Ok?

Me: I'mma hit puberty!

*hits my friend*

9/11 jokes just don't hit right with me.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

Why did your mom cross the road?

Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

I read a quote about the Twin Towers that hit me like a plane.

Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?

"That is bull crap!"

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a bus.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.